Trials of Joy

I just re-read my last blog post and was very tempted to go through and edit it. The spelling and grammer were awful, and parts of it didn't make any sense, but I decided against it. I think it's better to be real and honest with ourselves, and with others. And before I left for my R&R I felt like such a mess...which came out nicely in that last post. I don't want to change who I am, or sugar-coat the struggles that I'm going through. I think we often want to portray our lives in the best way possible, and forget that it's ok to not be ok. It's ok to be raw and show others our true self, no matter how messed up that is. We all have good days and bad days, and it's important to not shy away from our struggles because it's those bad days that help us grow stronger - trials make us stronger individually, and collectively.

I'm living and working in an environment where we face struggles every day. I face individual struggles in terms of being away from friends and family and finding it difficult to keep up those relationships through texts or phone calls, through lacking simple comforts and freedoms such as a soft bed, hot water, a variety of foods, being able to walk down the street alone, and various other difficulties that arise from team management, and working in an area where certain resources are lacking. Then as a team we face struggles in terms of personality clashes, language barriers, miscommunications or poor communications, challenges with funding and program needs, etc. I feel like every day we are facing a variety of struggles from so many different sources, and it's easy to let it get to you. But we are faced with trials and struggles for a reason...

"Consider if pure joy, my borthes and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, becuase you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (James 1:2-3)

In Canada I'm a part of a triathlon club called "Athletes in Action", and we often speak about the importance of being intentional in our training. Training without intention is useless... you can swim, bike, and run without any purpose, which is fine if you're doing it for the pure fun of it, but it's not going to get you anywhere if you're training for a specific goal. When we become intentional in our training, it means that we train with purpose and focus. WHY are you doing this run, today? WHY are choosing to run? WHY are you doing triathlon? WHAT is your goal from this run? for this season? for the future? WHY are you doing this?

Triathlon training is not easy. It's 3 very different disciplines, and requires a lot of time, energy, commitment, and sacrifice. Triathlon is a lifestyle. And this can definitely sound very intimidating... and ridiculous. Who really wants to spend all those hours training - getting up early on a Saturday morning in the middle of winter to go spin indoors for 3 hours, or dragging yourself to the pool after a long day at work, or running for hours on a treadmill.... plus having to plan your meals and snacks, and give up weekends for training and racing. BUT when you become intentional and really look at the WHY behind it all, it becomes exciting! Everyone's "WHY" is different, but my "WHY" is the driving force behind everything that I do... and it makes the trials of triathlon (the sacrifice, the hard work, etc) joyful.

This "WHY" is also the reason why I am here in Bangladesh. There are times when things can be very difficult here. But as it's important to be intentional in my training, it's also important to be intentional in life. WHY are we doing the things that we're doing? Are we doing it for recognition? To be better than someone else? To prove something to ourselves or someone else? For financial gain? WHY are you doing the things that you're doing? Why are you working in your job? WHY are you with that partner? WHY are you behaving the way you do? Be intentional in life. So when I am struggling here - from lack of sleep, the long hours, team frustrations, limitations, etc - I go back to intention. Because when we stand by what we believe, do things with intention, and remember WHY we're doing this, it makes the trials we face joyful. The struggles don't suck less, but they humble us, and remind us WHY we're doing what we're doing, which makes everything worth it in the end. Struggles test us to create endurance, perserverance, and strength. Trials test our faith and make us stronger...both individually and collectively.

It's been difficult here lately... especially since coming back from my R&R. We've had some disappointments and let-downs, and it's been hard to come back and get back into the swing of things. We've also had some team struggles and disagreements that have been wearing the team down. But I also know, from past experience, that every struggle I've been through has resulted in me becoming stronger. Even though some of these past struggles have torn me apart and have sometimes left me feeling shattered, defeated, and not wanting to get out of bed, I know that I've always come out of them stronger, wiser, and better able to face the next thing the world throws at me... which reminds me of this driving verse:

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:11-13)

So here's to being intentional and continuing on... whatever the circumstances.