"Sorry I was delayed in getting back to the office... traffic was terrible...I got stuck in the middle of cow market."
I don't even know where the last 2 weeks have gone... but here I am, somehow finding a chance to sit down somewhere other than in a car going to the field, or on the hard plastic folding chair at my desk. My mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts... most of which are floating around, not making a whole lot of sense, and I feel like I'm struggling to put intelligent sentences together (so please forgive me if this post doesn't make a lot of sense).
So where do i start... 2 weeks ago were the Eid holidays, and being that Cox's Bazar is a "tourist destination" this town was an absolute gong show for about a week and half. I heard people saying that there were an additional 200,000 people here over Eid. I believe it. The streets, which are normally pretty crazy, were an absolute nightmare. One night I went to the gym, which is normally a 5 minute car ride, and it took us 45 minutes. Huge tourist buses lined the streets (crowding the already narrow sections of road), scores of people walked about anywhere they pleased (often with cows in tow), and the already overbearing sound of car horns was tripled in volume from the angry drivers stuck in stand-still traffic jams. And then just when you think it can't get any worse... you get stuck in the middle of a cow market. Or at least I did... and every other NGO vehicle returning from camp the day before Eid holidays started. I still can't get over the sheer number of cows that were out that night - on the sides of roads, middle of the road, down side-streets, or somehow being navigated through the traffic. But welcome to Bangladesh, where nothing here makes a l lot of sense.
Well... I didn't get very far on that post.
I started writing the above post last weekend, but it was late on a Saturday night, and honestly, I think I was a little delusional. I remember my mind being in a fog from being over-tired, and despite my best efforts, I just finally said "forget it, i'm going to bed." When I think back on the last few weeks here, everything has just blended together and I can't even make out what I've been doing. But that's ok, because today I leave on my first R&R!
As much as I absolutely love my job here, it's physically and mentally draining. There's only so long that you can maintain 14-15 hour days, 6 days/week before the exhuastion overtakes you. I feel like I've been running on empty the last couple weeks, and things are starting to get to me. I used to experience this feeling when I was working in psychiatry. There's a certain point when you can't function anymore... despite loving your job, there's a moment when suddenly the things that never bothered you before start to get on your nerves, your patience starts to wear thin, and every cell in your body is screaming for a re-set. At home, my co-workers and I all knew when we were reaching this breaking point... and working in mental health we were all very much aware that when you're own mind is a mess you not only become useless in helping others anymore, but you can start to make things worse. Fortunately, the cure is simple: mental health days - some time away from the things that wear you down so you don't lose your mind and snap on a patient.
At home, mental health days with my crew meant wine nights, dinner, camping, road trips, etc...
Here, my mental health days are now coming in the form of international travel :)
Every 11 weeks (or so) we're required to leave the country for R&R. But as wonderful as that sounds, the time leading up to my leave has become very stressful. I now understand why everyone here always said it's easier to not take your R&R because of all the work you have to do in preparation for hand-over. In my case, I handed over my workload to my manager... so I've been working extra hours these past few weeks to make sure that everything runs smoothly whilst I'm gone (I'd hate to leave things a mess for my boss, especially since I'll be covering for her again when I get back)f.
But as of this morning, I'm free of my responsibilities, my laptop, my e-mails, and my phone, and it's a glorious feeling!! This afternoon I'm off to Malaysia... my 38th country. I figured that since I'm living in South East Asia, I should take the time to explore my home and visit a country I've never been to before. And as an added bonus, my brother just happens to be going to Japan for work at the same time that I'm on R&R, so he's going to swing by and hang out with me for a bit!
So, as I'm about to send my laptop for a long nap in my desk drawer, my blog will remain quiet for the next couple weeks... unless I can figure out how to do this from my phone..
Bon voyage!
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