This past weekend was my first solo trip with Mattea. It was a challenge given to me by my counselor. I've been struggling a lot lately. Well, truth be told, I've been struggling for the last few years. But at the urging of my mom I recently decided to start talking to a professional about it. I'm not one to shy away from the need for mental health supports, but I think sometimes it's hard to recognize when you need it. It's easy to just try and push through, thinking it's just a phase that you'll get past. But when others start pointing it out to you, it's time to do something about it. So I started talking to a counselor. I recognize that a big part of my "depression" has been an inability to do all the things that I love to do, in part because of being a single mom, and the other because of covid. It's hard to feel so helpless and restricted. Being stuck in the same routine over and over has been so suffocating. I feel trapped. I needed to do something... to go somewhere. So my counselor challenged me to take a trip to the mountains with Mattea and think of it as a trial, or training, for more extensive overseas travel (when that's possible again). Although it sounds kind of silly, I actually thought it was a great idea. I was excited to spend time just her and I. I feel like most of the time I spend with her is so rushed and routine. Get up, get her ready, drop her off while I go to work, pick her up, then feed her and get her ready for bed. Although it's time together, I don't feel like it's quality time. I'd been looking forward to traveling with her and showing her the world since before she was even born. I'd already been to the mountains a few times with her before, so it wasn't going to be her first time out of the city. However, every time we'd previously been there we were always with other people. For the first time, this trip was going to be just her and I. I was excited, but also a bit nervous that it was all going to go horribly wrong. We left on Friday afternoon, right after work. A couple coffees and a stop at Subway later we were checking in to our hotel. We were staying in town at the Sawridge Inn. I'd stayed there a few weekends back when I took a solo weekend in the mountains. Only that time I'd make the mistake of staying in a room without a balcony. It was so stuffy and smelly (thankfully I wasn't in the room much), but fortunately I'd remedied that error for this weekend. Completely worth it. We arrived later in the evening, around 9pm. Thanks to the summer sun, it was still light out and we were greeted by a herd of elk wandering in the open grass just below our balcony. Mattea was so excited to see them and kept pointing saying "Elk! Elk! They have white bums!"
But as much as she liked the Elk, she wasn't so keen on the bear in the lobby. She was absolutely terrified of this life-sized stuffed bear, even though it was in a glass case. I told her over and over again that he wasn't real and not scary, but every single time we walked past him she repeated over and over again "The bear's not scary. The bear's not scary." Poor little girl.
But then... poor mama. I made the mistake of thinking she was old enough to sleep in a bed by herself. Not so. Not so in any way. Containment was still needed. She was an absolute nightmare to try and get to bed. She would throw her stuffies off the bed, then slide down to go get them and want back up (she's too little to get up herself yet), so I'd have to haul her back up into the bed. When I'd try to lay down with her she just attacked me. To her it was playing, as she was laughing the whole time, but she would kick, hit, pull my hair...pretty sure she even bit my leg at one point. It was awful. Here I had been hoping that she'd go to bed as easily as she does at home (usually) and I could have a couple of hours to myself in the evening to sit out on the balcony with a glass of wine and do some reading or writing. At home I'm always so busy after she goes to bed (doing laundry, making my lunch for the next day, cleaning, etc), so I was looking so forward to having evenings where I didn't have to do any of that and could just have some time to myself. But that was decidedly not going to happen under her watch.
Sigh.
I was woken up the next morning bright and early. I had brought some new toys with me, hoping that they would entertain her enough so that I could get ready and sort us out for the day. Unfortunately she wasn’t that impressed by them, but the ice bucket…well… nothing was more exciting than the ice bucket. She was whipping that thing around, carrying it all over the room, and putting things in and out of it. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at an ice bucket with such fascination. Amazing what kids find entertaining. Mega blocks… not so fun. Ice buckets… thrilling. Either way, it gave me enough time to load up the chariot before heading out for a run. The fresh mountain air was so refreshing. One of my goals for this weekend was to get a couple runs in, so I figured running to breakfast was a good way to start the day and sneak in a workout. After a short run across town we hit up Wicked Cup for a patio breakfast. I enjoyed the view of Whistlers, while M was entertained by puppies. So far we were off to a pretty good start. There were no restaurant outbursts and she loves hanging out in her chariot reading books. After a stop at the firefighters park (a themed playground), we were off to explore Athabasca Falls. The last time I was at Athabasca Falls was a few years ago when I’d biked there with Cam and Viet. It wasn’t exactly the best place to explore with bike shoes on, so I was looking forward to seeing more of the area and showing M her first waterfall. I was expecting her to be fascinated by the falls, but as it turned out, she was more fascinated by all the stairs. We still had a great time. She explored the trails (and stairs) whilst simultaneously picking up all the pinecones and rocks that she could stuff into her hoodie pockets. It’s fun to see her discover things and see what’s interesting and important to her. Like tree roots for example. She thought they were way cooler than the waterfall… except when she’d trip and fall over them. Or the rocks that were firmly planted in the ground, and how she’d get so frustrated when she couldn’t pick them up… “Mama get it!” she’d say to me. haha Oh the things this girl still has to learn.
The next day (after more flinging of the ice bucket across the room) we ran to breakfast again. This time we hit up Papa George's at the Astoria Hotel. Just a casual family restaurant, but I discovered the miracle of table crayons for a toddler. Let me tell you, it's WAY nicer of a meal when they have something to do to entertain themselves, as opposed to the struggle we had at Jasper Pizza Place last night. Honestly, all restaurants need a secret stash of crayons.
After breakfast we drove up to Maligne Lake, and again it was all about the rocks.
She was obsessed with picking up rocks. Although, she didn't have her hoodie on this time. So instead of stuffing them in her pockets, I became the holder of said rocks. And the ones that she didn't think were special enough to keep were the ones that would be picked up and thrown in the water... repeatedly. I thought it might be nice to walk along the path that runs next to the lake, but I think we only made it 30 meters in an hour. There was always a rock to be picked up and thrown, benches to be climbed, or water to be splashed in, and she wouldn't hear of anything else. Thankfully the weather was decent, partially cloudy with a slight breeze that was just tolerable. So at least I could stand around watching her and enjoy it.
I really love Maligne Lake. Back when I was training for Ironman and the Death Race I would bike up to the lake from town. It's about 50km, so a 100km round trip. It's a tough ride on the way there, mostly uphill, but always, always worth it for the downhill coast back into town. I have a lot of good memories in Jasper, especially having spent the better part of a year up there, almost every weekend back in 2016. It was amazing to be able to share this place, which holds a very special space in my heart, with my daughter. It makes me excited to travel more with her, and not only show her some of the incredible places I've been around the world, but uncover more adventures with her in places I've never been.
That night we met up with Megan Jones for dinner at the Jasper Brew Co. (I'm not sure why, but she will always be "Megan Jones", not "Megan".) I hadn't seen her in awhile, and it was nice to catch up and have her meet M. By this time I had learned the important lesson that young children always need to be occupied, so I came prepared with crayons, colouring paper, books, and a stuffie. One can never be too prepared when it means you get a relaxing meal out. Plus it helps to have new and exciting people to talk to!
I'd heard that some of the hotel pools were open in town and told her we were planning to check one out the next day, to see if we could get in. Surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly as Megan Jones is always the person to offer up help/assistance/tips, she offered to give us a free day pass to the Jasper Park Lodge (JPL) pool. For those who don't know, JPL is the fancy Fairmont hotel that is way beyond anything I could ever hope to stay in. So naturally I jumped at the chance and took her up on her offer. Another friend of mine had assured me that it was easy to just walk in to the change rooms, and would likely not even be stopped or asked questions. It seemed like a bit of rebellious thing to do, as I think I'm more of a rule-follower type of person, but I figured it couldn't hurt to check it out and worst case scenario at least I had a fall back plan.
The next day was hot. Hot by Canadian mountain standards at least. It was 28 degrees with blue bird skies. We were due to leave that day, so I'd already packed up and checked-out of the hotel. We were in limbo now. And after going for a walk and sitting in the park for breakfast, I was ready to hit up some water. We made our way to JPL. I had to loop around twice to find the correct parking lot, so my attempt at trying to blend in and act like I belonged was not off to a great start. We walked into the lobby (very slowly because M gets distracted) and I looked around for the "obvious" entrance to the health facility. The goal was to look like I was a guest, but I was clearly not succeeding. Someone came up to us and asked if we needed help. My moral conscience overcame me and I reverted to my back up plan. My explanation of having a pass to use the pool didn’t fly as he told us that they weren’t currently accepting people from the poor house to use their facilities. (Ok, that’s not exactly what he said, but he may as well have with the manner on which he looked down on us and the tone of his voice.) So out we walked, sad and dejected, sweltering in the heat. And to draw even more attention to us, my car alarm started going off and I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off before everyone turned around to stare at us. (Another lesson learned… don’t give my car keys to Mattea to play with, no matter how much she wants them). Having been all but thrown to the curb by the JPL, I opted for the next best, or in retrospect, the better option: Lake Annette. Lake Annette is a clear, stunningly beautiful lake just down the road from JPL, right beside an equally beautiful and bigger Lake Edith. There are magnificent mountain views from the beach, including my favourite peak: Mount Edith Cavell. Cavell is a special mountain to me. Not only is it grande and elegant with its slightly slanted horizontal stripes of ridges, snow, and glacial ice on the north face, or amazing because it’s named after a war hero nurse, but it’s also the first mountain I ever hiked, back when I was in junior high. I fell in love with the mountains in that moment. The wild flowers of Cavell meadows and the brilliant blues of Angel glacier are still engrained in my memory. So it was a perfect place to spend a hot afternoon in the mountains. We changed into our bikinis and played together in the water. M loves to splash in the water, and became fascinated with a big rock, picking it up and putting it up on the dock, then throwing it back down into the water. I really don’t know what’s up with this girl and rocks. But what a great time we had.
I delayed packing up and driving back into the city for as long as I could. The mountains feel like home to me. If it was feasible, I’d be buying a place out here straight away. but sadly that’s not in the cards right now. Thankfully, I’m lucky enough to be blessed in living so close to the mountains, where a weekend trip, or even a day trip, is possible. It’s a little something that keeps me feeling like I’m not completely locked down. And although it was a learning experience and there are some solid take-always from this trip (pack-and-plays and crayons), I’m even more excited to make the jump to international travel with M.
Come on world... Let's get this show on the road!
Thank you for your honesty. You are very brave and you and your daughter are beautiful. A has me thinking about stretching my wings and perhaps taking solo trip of my own. You go girl you’ve got this!